Immediate loss

A parent just died

The first 72 hours are the hardest. Then comes 30 days of logistics. Then the grief arrives differently. We walk you through all of it — what to do, what to say, and what not to do yet.

Timeline

What to do, and when

First 24 hours

1.Get the death certificate process started — the funeral home handles this but you need to request at least 10 certified copies
2.Do not post anything on social media until all immediate family has been personally notified
3.Do not give anyone access to the house or any belongings yet — not even well-meaning relatives
4.Find out if there is a will. If you don't know, look in these places: home safe, filing cabinet, attorney's office, safe deposit box
5.If the deceased had a trust, notify the successor trustee immediately
6.Contact the Social Security Administration to stop payments (they will claw back any overpaid month)

First week

1.Secure the property — change locks if the deceased lived alone and multiple people have keys
2.Notify the bank to freeze individual accounts temporarily (joint accounts remain accessible)
3.Contact life insurance companies to start claims — this money is NOT part of the probate estate
4.Gather all mail — look for bills, accounts, subscriptions you need to cancel
5.Create an inventory of obvious valuables: jewelry, art, collectibles, vehicles
6.If there is real estate, do not list it, show it, or allow anyone to remove anything yet

First 30 days

1.File the will with probate court (required in most states within 30 days)
2.Open an estate bank account — all estate money flows through this, nothing through personal accounts
3.Notify credit card companies, utilities, subscriptions
4.Get a professional appraisal on real estate and any significant personal property for estate tax purposes
5.Contact a local estate attorney for a one-hour consultation — even if you don't hire them
6.Do not distribute any assets until probate is filed and creditor notification period has passed

First year

1.File the final income tax return for the deceased (due April 15 of following year)
2.File an estate tax return if the estate exceeds federal or state exemptions
3.Complete creditor notification and pay valid debts from estate funds
4.Get court approval before distributing assets to beneficiaries
5.Transfer real estate titles, vehicle titles, financial accounts
6.Close the estate — file final accounting with the court

Scripts

What to say in the hard moments

Telling a sibling who lives far away

"[Name], I need to tell you something difficult. [Parent] passed away [today / this morning / last night]. I wanted you to hear it from me directly before anything else. I know this is a shock. I love you. We are going to get through this together."

When someone shows up uninvited to the house

"I appreciate that you want to help and I know your intentions are good. Right now we need to keep the house secured until we understand the estate situation. It's not about trust — it's about making sure everyone is protected legally. I will be in touch as soon as we know next steps."

When a sibling wants to take items immediately

"I understand you want to hold onto things that meant something to you, and I feel that too. But we need to wait until we have an inventory and understand the will before anyone takes anything. If we skip that step, it creates legal exposure for all of us — and potential conflict. Let's do this right."

View all scripts for this situation →

Real estate

If there is a house involved

The house is almost always the most emotionally charged asset in an estate — and the one most likely to cause lasting family damage if handled wrong. As a licensed realtor, this is where I can tell you things an attorney won't.

Inherited real estate guide →

Free resource

Start with the checklist

Download the free Family Estate Readiness Checklist — 47 things to do, say, find, and decide. Works whether you're planning ahead or starting too late.

No spam. One email with the checklist, then occasional updates.