Working with a funeral director

BEFORE YOU GO IN

  • Bring a second person if you can. Two people are harder
    to overwhelm than one.
  • Know what you generally want (cremation vs burial; service
    vs no service). Decide before you walk in.
  • Don't bring a checkbook to the first meeting. You're not
    paying yet.
  • Know your budget. Even a rough number ($5K? $15K? $30K?).
  • Bring the deceased's: birth certificate, social security
    number, marriage certificate, military discharge papers
    (if applicable), and any pre-paid funeral arrangement
    documents.


YOUR FEDERAL RIGHTS — FTC Funeral Rule

The funeral home is REQUIRED by federal law (16 CFR §453) to:
  1. Give you a written, itemized price list (the "General
     Price List") before discussing services
  2. Give you a separate written casket price list and outer
     burial container price list
  3. Not require embalming unless state law requires it (most
     don't require embalming for direct cremation or for
     short-timeframe burial)
  4. Allow you to provide a casket or urn purchased elsewhere
     (yes, including Costco)
  5. Itemize charges so you can decline specific items

If they push back on any of these, walk out.


THE OPENING

You:
   "I'd like to start with the General Price List, please.
   I want to walk through the categories and decide what we
   need and what we don't."


THE STANDARD UPSELL PATTERNS — and what to say

"Most families choose [premium service]."
   "I understand. I'm not most families. I want to know what
   the actual cost is, what's required, and what's optional."

"Embalming is needed for a viewing."
   "Is embalming required by state law in our situation?"
   [Usually no. Embalming is required only if the body is
   transported across state lines without refrigeration, or
   in some states for a public viewing after a certain time.
   Refrigeration is almost always an acceptable alternative.]

"This casket has a [protective seal / corrosion protection /
etc.]."
   "Is the protective seal a legal requirement?"
   [No. The FTC has specifically warned funeral homes against
   implying that "protective" features preserve the body
   indefinitely — they don't. The body decomposes regardless
   of casket choice.]

"You'll want to upgrade to [premium urn / vault / casket]."
   "I'd like the most basic option that meets cemetery or
   crematorium requirements. We can discuss upgrades later if
   I change my mind."

"For an additional $X, we can include [memorial booklets /
prayer cards / etc.]."
   "Can you give me a list of all optional items separately?
   I'll decide which I want when I look at the total."


COMMON ITEMS YOU MAY NOT NEED

  • Embalming (for direct cremation or quick burial)
  • Outer burial vault (only required by some cemeteries —
    ask cemetery directly)
  • "Memorial package" with cards, programs, registry book
    (you can make these yourself for $0–$200)
  • Premium casket features that have no functional benefit
  • Limousine service (a friend with a nice car works)
  • Charge for transferring the body (in most states, the
    rate is regulated; compare prices if charges seem high)


COMMON ITEMS YOU PROBABLY DO NEED

  • Transportation of the body from place of death
  • Refrigeration (if not embalming)
  • Cremation or burial container that meets minimum
    requirements
  • Death certificates (order 10+ copies; you'll need them
    for every financial institution)
  • Permits and filing fees


THE TOTAL COST RANGE

Direct cremation (no service, no embalming, no viewing):
$1,000–$3,000

Cremation with memorial service:
$3,000–$7,000

Traditional burial (basic):
$7,000–$12,000

Traditional burial (premium):
$12,000–$25,000+


IF THE FUNERAL HOME PRESSURES YOU

Walk out. You are not obligated to stay. You are not obligated
to pay anything until you sign a written contract. There are
multiple funeral homes in every market. Many can do direct
cremation at a substantially lower cost than the first one you
walked into.

You can also call a cemetery's recommended funeral home, or a
local hospice's recommended provider — both tend to be more
respectful and less aggressive.


THE PRE-PAID ARRANGEMENT NOTE

If the deceased had a pre-paid funeral plan, bring those
documents. The funeral home is required to honor the pre-paid
terms unless the contract specifically allows for upgrades.
Don't agree to additional charges without verifying they aren't
already covered.